Heavy Hearts
by TwiztedSymphony
Summary: Mitchie pours her heart out to Alex.


Her bags were pack and she was ready to leave. Two weeks of changing her mind, and she finally decided that it was time for a change, time to leave everything behind. Maybe she was making a mistake but she didn't care. She had to get away, this heart break was becoming too much. She couldnt tell fact from fiction.

"Where are you going?" Alex's voice stops Mitchies movements.

"I'm leaving. I-I can't do this anymore." Mitchie stumbles over her words. Alex wasnt suppose to be home yet, and she wasn't ready to confront her.

"Do what?" The older brunette steps closer to her girlfriend, glancing at the bags on the bed.

"This. Us..I just can't anymore. I-Im tired of being hurt by you." Mitchie doesn't look up at Alex, she'll find it harder to leave if she does.

"I've never hurt you." Alex watches as Mitchie tosses the bag on floor, turning to Alex.

"Dont fucking tell me that you haven't hurt me! You have and you fucking know it!" Mitchie tries to stay calm, but her anger starts to get the best of her. "All those times you left me alone, so you could fuck someone else! You'd tell me you didn't love me anymore, that you just wanted to have fun! But you always came back weeks later telling me that you fucking loved me! And I believed you, I did! But you don't, you never did...and I know that now."

"I do love you Mitchie. Where is all this coming from?" Alex ask. Her heart suddenly weighs more then her body can handle.

"You don't! You just think you do, just like I thought if I stayed so fucking long that maybe, just maybe, you would love me more then I love you. But I was wrong, I was so wrong. You will never love me, you just want to feel alive, and I can't help you with that anymore, because I'm dying here. I am and I can't take it anymore."

"No you're wrong. I love you because you're an amazing person, and yes you make me feel alive, but thats not the only reason I love you." Alex doesn't know what to say.

"Just stop please, I don't want to hear it. I'm broken, you broke me. I wish I could stay, I wish you loved me and I wish that this was different but its not. You're never going to need me as much as I need you." Mitchie was pouring her heart out for the last time.

"Four in half years together, and I just can't believe that you still haven't realized you can't love me." Mitchie whispers. "Everytime you promised me forever and always you knew that it was a lie. Everything you told me was a lie."

"Thats not true..."

"It is Alex! I knew from the time you first broke up with me that you were lying to me, just so I would stay! Don't you remember how you fucked with my head? Like it was all some stupid game. " Alex doesn't say anything, instead she takes interest in the floor. "Tell me Alex do you remember? Do you want me to tell you about how fucked up you made me from the start?"

Alex looks up from the floor, "I never fucked with your head! What the hell are you talking about?"

The younger brunette laughs, shaking her head. "You really believe that?" Alex nods her head, "You did. Our first break up you torn me apart so fucking bad, and you weren't even there to phyically do it! Even before then, all those times you wanted to kill yourself and came so close to doing it, and I spent hours on the phone with you. Because I was so fucking afraid that you would do it, and I would some how have something to do with it! But the times I told you I was done, that I didn't want to live and cut myself, you told me I was stupid! That I was fucking giving up and I should do whatever the fuck I wanted!"

"Thats not true.." Alex whispers shaking her head at Mitchies words.

"It is godamn it Alex! For days after our first break up you fucked so badly with my head! And I was dying! You lied to me about the real reason you left me, and then told me how you fucking loved me! Then you told me you didn't want a relationship, you had my hopes so fucking high that maybe one day you want me again, and the next minute you were telling me that you didn't love me, that you wish you never fucking met me! And all those times you told me you loved me even after breaking up with me, you were out fucking your ex's!"

"Tell me Alex did you ever fucking love me?" Mitchie screaming now, she doesn't care how bad she hurts Alex. It will never be enough to show what Alex had done to her.

"Of course I do!" Alex screams back.

"Then where the hell where you when I was dying? When I need someone to tell me it was okay!" Mitchie shouts, throwing her hands in the air.

"I was there!" Alex tries to defend herself, but she knows she's lying.

Mitchie rolls her eyes, "No you weren't, you were off fucking your ex as usual! You told me don't you remember? The night I told you tell me you didn't love me so I could stop fighting. And you told me it wouldn't solve anything, and you bitched at me about how everything was my fault. If you would have stop for two minutes that night I could have told you that I was dying! That I found out I had cancer! But instead you called me a quitter for wanting to give up!"

"You went on about how you didn't know who you were anymore, that you wished it would all stop! That you didn't want a fucking relationship! You never fucking know what you want, you never had! I was so ready to walk away from whatever the hell we were, but I couldn't because you told me you needed me. And as soon as I told you I would stay you told me you didn't need me, and you wanted time to think about everything! Do you remember how long I waited for you to fucking tell me whether or not you needed me?" Mitchie pause, letting out a shaky breath.

Alex looks away, "Six months Alex! Six fucking months! I was ready to talk to you the next day, but I wanted to know that you needed me! It wasn't my place to talk first. I waited by the fucking phone for six months, everyday I hoped you would call, or text me, telling me how sorry you were! All the stupid text messages I almost sent, telling you I couldn't live without you, and how much I loved and missed you! And the whole time I was going through fucking chemo, trying to fight to stay alive, for someone who didn't even want me. Because I knew you would feel like the biggest bitch if you found out I died, with your last words being about how you didn't want me!"

"I've always wanted you.." Alex tries to make eye contact with Mitchie but she looks away.

"When it was convent for you! You know what else I don't understand about you? The fact that I told you everything about me, my biggest secrets, my every thought and feeling. And you wouldn't even tell me one fucking thing about yourself, then you had the nerve to tell me that I knew nothing about you! How could I when you wouldn't let me in?"

"Okay! Fuck! I get the point Mitchie just stop!" Alex screams. "I'm sorry okay? I'll change, I'll do whatever you want just don't leave me."

All Mitchies anger suddenly leaves her as she watches her girlfriends shoulders drop, and looks her in the eye. She looks away, "I'm sorry Alex, I can't stay here anymore."

"Where you going to go?" Alex ask looking at the bags still laying on the floor.

"Back to California," She answers, "I found a small apartment near home, and the hosptial. So I'm set, my flight leaves in alittle while.."

Alex nods, before quirking an eyebrow. "The hosptial?"

The younger brunette nods, "Yeah. I didn't get the chance to tell you, but I found out the cancers back. I would have told you as soon as I found out but you were..busy."

"How bad is it?" Alex ask, thinking about the last time.

"They gave me four months." Mitchie answers. She watches as Alex's eyes fill with tears, as she shakes her head.

"I'm so sorry Mitchie...I-I love you." She whispers.

"I love you to Alex more then you will ever know...and thats why I'm leaving." Mitchie looks at her phone, "I have to get to the airport..."

Alex nods, wiping the tears from her eyes. She looks at Mitchie, before stepping forward wrapping her arms around her. "I really am sorry Mitchie. If I could I would change everything.."

Mitchie hugs her back. "Its okay, I forgive you.... I always have and always will.... And remeber I'm a phone call away..." She whispers closing her eyes for a moment. Trying to burn the feeling of being in Alex's arms into her brain. "Forever and always..."

Mitchie pulls away, grabbing her bags. Before walking towards the door. She turns around locking eyes with her girlfriend for the last time, "Don't forget me Alex..."

Alex nods, watching her walk out the door. As the door shuts she whisper to the empty room, "I won't. Forever and always Mitchie."

**A/N: I got the idea for this after reading old text messages, and waiting for a text I know most likely wont come. I wrote this in about 10 maybe 15 minutes, so I hope it doesn't suck. This is also in a way written for someone, that will hopefully read it but may not even know about it. This is what I'm afraid will happen in my life and with us. So hopefully it makes for a good one shot, so everyone tell me what you think. Thank you for reading.**

**Also for anyone reading Crawl the next chapter should be up sometime this week.**


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